"itoshii no merankori----."

Have you ever just
stood in the cold rain
waiting for the wind to stop
drowning in melancholy?

i feel as though i'm leading a double life of sorts. me, the kurage, and me, the highschooler.every time i leave my computer, i lock it. i can't risk my brother or my parents finding out about the forum, my folder full of pura pictures, or even this blog. my msn, too.
i think i've been doing pretty well in concealing the jellyfish part of me, but i'm afraid that something's going to just slip out. "haha, i was talking to shinju the other day about that.." or "last night at 4am when i was talking to zetsubou..".
i don't want to think about such things.
what would my family do, i wonder?
scold me for talking to strangers in various countries after seeing my msn?
call me a stalker after seeing my folder of pura photos?

but i guess there are worse things that they could find. my dream diary, for example. or maybe my conversation logs on msn..
that's too horrible. D:

i still can't find my head phones.

i feel so lonely lately.


three (=one) little kittens (=girl)
they (=she) lost their (=her) mittens (=headphones/happiness/sanity)
and they (=she) began to cry (=?)