yeah.
in scripture today, the teacher asked if anyone was atheist; i raised my hand.
a girl asked me if i had gone through the sacraments, and when i replied with "yes", she said that 'technically', i'm a christian.
haha, screw that. like hell i am.
even though i disagreed, technically, technically, TECHNICALLY i'm christian.
i refuse to be told what i am and what i'm not; i've had enough.
i had to go to a barbecue with some family, because one of my cousins is getting married tomorrow. i was informed of the barbecue fifteen minutes before we left.
there went my plan of speanding the whole night with that one person~
i pretty much spent the whole night listening to how my oh-so-perfect cousin got a scholarship to japan, gets to stay in tokyo with this über rich family, of whom the father is the GENERAL MANAGER OF SONY.
the mother's a translator.
they're loaded.
they're perfect.
and i'm so goddamn jealous.
but i've no right to be jealous do i? people have got it worse, so it's automatically a sin to want more than i've already got, isn't it?
just a selfish bitch.
and and, if i'm sick of people fauning over her, the pretty girl two years my senior, and if i go out on to the verandah and sit for half an hour or so, it's bad too.
it's bad to be antisocial.
it's bad to be angry.
it's bad to not be able to talk to people whom i havn't seen in months.
my dad said he only got to see his family once a year at best, and that they were all at least ten years older than him. he said i should stop being antisocial and go and talk to everyone else.
someone else had it worse, so that means i'm not allowed to be sad, right?
my head hurts so bad.
and my brother. i wanna punch his lights out.
screw him.
i hate him.
i hate people at school.
i hate my family.
i hate myself.
